Parents often ask if their child has to be potty trained when they enter the preschool. What parents need to understand is that there is no independence for children as long as they are in diapers. If a child is in diapers, he/she has to rely on adults to take care of his/her personal needs. When you send your child to nursery school, you are, in effect, saying, "Your old enough now to be at school without me." Still having your child in diapers at the onset of preschool (or any other remnant of babyhood, such still using a bottle or going to sleep in their parent's bed) creates a mixed message for children. This is why potty training should be done before a child enters preschool.
When should potty training be done?
Unless something is physically wrong or there has been a trauma, girls can be finished with potty training by age 2 1/2 and boys by age 3. Girls develop faster in every way in the early years. This is due to the fact that connections between the brain and parts of the body happen faster in most girls. By the time children enter Nursery School, potty training should be accomplished and have had a while to sink in. This is also the ideal time to potty train because between 21/2 and 3, the child's primary goal is to please the parents. After the age of 3, when they are already in preschool, and their peer group becomes important to them, there is a decline in the wish to please the parents. Potty training elicits a lot of battles between child and parent, and it is best to accomplish potty training while your child is still in a more compliant place.
Parents tend to potty train their children later these days than they used to for several reasons: 1) Parents are reluctant to impose on the child or break the child's spirit. They don't want to crush the child's will or create issues. 2) Parents are afraid of their child's anger. They don't like any confrontation or uncomfortable situations and want a peaceful day. At this age, there is already so much testing and rebellious tendencies that mothers don't want to also have to deal with struggles over potty training. 3) With the advent of disposable diapers mothers can afford to give it more time. It is not as much of a hassle for them as it used to be when mothers had to spend all their time washing dirty cloth diapers. It is easier for them to put diapers or pull-ups on their child than it is to potty train.
Around 6 to 8 months (in other words: by the time the child can sit up on his/her own), child should be put on the potty before bath. A little floor potty by the tub works well. The child is not expected to actually urinate in the potty at that age. It merely establishes the ritual of using the potty before bath time. Children should be told that they should not use the bathtub as a toilet. Children should also be reminded that pee doesn't go in the Jacuzzi or the pool.
Every time you put your child on the potty in the bathroom, you should turn on the faucet. The sound of running water helps encourage the urine to come out. Once they have learned to go without the sound of running water, you no longer need to do this.
All children follow mom and dad to the toilet. Each time it should be acknowledged. "When you get old enough, you'll be able to do that too."
Signs that a child may be ready to potty train:
- Showing an interest in the potty and in others using the potty.
- Not liking the feeling of being wet or soiled. (When this happens, the parent should say, "It's so great that you could tell me that you are wet. Maybe next time, you can tell me before you go and you can use the potty" (this can even be done with the child sitting on the potty fully dressed)). "You will learn to use the potty and you won't have to wear diapers anymore."
- Objecting to being changed (running away, kicking, saying "No!", etc.) That's when you say, "Yeah, you don't like it. Would you like to try to use the potty. Then I won't have to put diapers on you."
- The child sits on the potty fully dressed. Parents should encourage that, but make no demands for the child to undress or really go on the potty. They should say," "Oh, I see you're sitting on the potty. You're practicing. How great! Soon you will be ready to sit on the potty without your clothes on." Talk about it often before taking action.
Look for signs that he/she is ready to be independent and that they comprehend that they have to stop playing to be changed. There is no independence as long as they are in diapers. They have to rely on adults to take care of their personal needs.
One way to initiate potty training is to set aside two days when the parent can stay home all day with the child, and have the child go naked, without a pull-up or diaper, all day. Children are much more able to feel when they need to go to the bathroom when they are naked. The easiest time to do this, of course, is when the weather is warm.
The two-day stay at home plan will only work if the parents have done all the talking and preparation that they need to do. The following should begin no later than 18 months of age:
- sitting the child on the potty before bath
- sitting the child on the potty first thing in the morning
- sitting the child on the potty last thing before bedtime
When the parent feels the child is ready, the parent can say, "It looks like you're getting ready to not wear diapers. Let's look at the calendar and pick a day when you'll begin to learn how to use the potty every time you have to go." On that day, the parent can say, "we're going to stay home and use the potty all day. We're not going anywhere today." After the two days are over, the parent can say, "The plan of using the potty is still happening, but because we're not staying home today, you can't be naked all the time. We'll use training pants."
Most of potty training is done verbally without taking any action or pressuring the child.
The parent has to do the major part of the work in potty training:
- know the child's pattern; how often does the child go to the bathroom (every 30 min., every 2 hrs?)
- go to the child at those intervals and say, "Time to go to the bathroom."
- the child will say, "I don't have to go."
- parent should say, "I know, but we're going to go anyway. I have to go" or "we can try", all the time firmly walking the child to the bathroom.
- or if there is a floor potty next to the child, go to the child at the appropriate intervals and say "potty time" and sit him/her on the potty.
- if the child does not go, the parent can say, "Okay, you didn't have to go. We'll try again in a little while."
It helps if the parent turns on the water, because the sound of running water will help the child go potty.
It will take a couple of weeks of really being there and being consistent to potty train.
